Not just another week...

So on Thursday, it was pouring elephants and pianos and the ham gods were getting bored. Consequently, they decided to make me the butt of their ruses. I was jammin down Foothill at a very legal 40 mph when the light turned yellow. I slowly depressed the brake and realized all too late that I only had 20 feet left. I put more pressure on the pedal, the brakes locked, static friction went to piss, and I cleared the whole intersection slicker than Sasha Cohen on ice. In addition to earning perfect 10s for completely running a red light w/the speedometer reading zero, the car never came to a stop so I hit the accelerator well past the intersection.

In other news, I wasn't feeling well since Thursday morning, and have epidemiologically concluded it to be food poisoning possibly from the shrimp in my New Orleans Jambalaya from BJs (that's not libel). As a result, I went to bed at 2am on Saturday, and woke up 33 hours later at 11am, today - and had an IV in between cause I was losing sensation in my fingers (hypovolemia?). Anywho, I've had more shots of pepto than most people do in a lifetime and passed the problem onto LA Public Health. As for now, I'm ever so patiently waiting for whatever the illness to rid itself via emesis or excrement.

Conclusions of the week: replace all CalTrans/DOT traffic researchers with chemists well versed in particle movement, legalize commercial sex workers and fit them with digital chastity belts, offer catheter implants for IV drug users to decrease HIV transmission, and leave global warming be so we can utilize the increased humidity to harvest water. Oh, and careful what you put into your mouth; food too.